Introduction:

Distinguished Toastmasters, Advanced and Able Toastmasters, Competent Toastmasters - and honored guests. I understand that since this is an advanced speaking club, there are no incompetent Toastmasters to recognize here. I would like to thank the extraordinarily advanced soul and Advanced Toastmaster May Huang for inviting me to speak before you.

What I'm going to say is going to offend some of you. Any Distinguished Toastmasters in the audience? District officers? Club officers? Mentors, official or otherwise? Consider this your warning.

But this is my retirement speech. I suppose I'm to talk in glowing retrospect of my life so far, and to keep it positive, upbeat, and cheery, and talk about how you all have been wonderful gifts of life to me.

But this is MY retirement speech. And I'm NOT going to talk about myself that much. I WILL talk about you. And I will share my thoughts about Giving, about Passion, about Selfishness, and how wonderful they all are. Especially the last one, Selfishness.

Why be so grumpy? The reason is this: in January 2000, I almost died. No big deal. I almost died when I was 3, when I was 6, when I was 13, when I was 17, when I was 21, when I was 34. Almost dying is already old to me.

And in January of last year, I almost died. But this time, I was taken from this world for 3 months and put in a strange new world.

NO - These are NOT the chronicles of the voyages of the star ship Billy Bob. But over the past 10 months, something has slowly begun to happen. The gelatinous contents of the chrysalis have been solidifying into a new creature. A butterfly? Hell, no. A huge, scary, black moth that will make you scream and wet your pants.

Giving:

Let me begin with giving. I've been a giver all my life. I guess it's helped a lot in Toastmasters. I have given of myself, always ready to fill in for an empty spot on the agenda, and doing a number of impromptu speeches. Yep, I've given. A lot. Too much, really. Way more than others. And I'm ever so humble about it, too.

My practice of giving started at an early age - in the Episcopalian Church. Just like Toastmasters, I came in new and sat in watching the action from the sidelines. Then Father Turnbull tricked me by asking me to fill in as an altar boy - just this time. Just like Toastmasters. But just like Toastmasters, my church career took off. I started as A Torch Bearer - carrying a stinking candle on a stick while hot dripping wax burnt my hands. I moved up quickly and became the First Server - ringing the bell and carrying the crucifix to head the processional. It's there I learned my leadership skills. I engineered my next move - to Thurifer - who carries the incense boat - by spreading premarital sex humors about the 15-year-old pimple-faced incumbent. Bad career move. Have you ever had smoldering incense pumping hard into your face for 90 minutes? I puked once. But I was okay, since it went all over the First Server. A leadership tip there: Keep them down and let them always know who's Boss. But I couldn't get Father Turnbull's job, President and CEO of St. Mark's Parish. So, taking a huge signing bonus, I converted to Buddhism.

So, as you can see, I gave of myself at an early age.

But I also knew when it had to stop. At the point when I was taking away my own power. Giving is good. It's a spiritual principle, and a natural law.

There comes a time when you have to give to yourself. Because that's giving, too. All that giving you did out there will come back to you. Multiplied, pressed down, and overflowing. Don't even think about it. Make sure that you always include yourself in the picture. Because without you, your world wouldn't exist. Make sure that you give to yourself first. I understand the concept of servant leadership. But nowhere does it say that you are less important. True, Jesus washed some feet, but even He set aside time for power water walking, and sometimes even a bubble bath with scented candles accompanied by a glass of North Coast merlot and Godiva chocolates.

So, how do you practice this? Just ask yourself every time, "Is this what "I" want?" If it benefits you, then go for it. But don't do it only to lay up your treasures in heaven. Heaven can be here, now, among us. And we all can be gods and goddesses. That's the point of this Earth trip.

Passion:

Let's now get passionate - about passion. 

There are a few of you here that are fueled by some passion. Something deep within you that perhaps took a long time to get out, like finally going to the dentist to pull that decaying molar because keeping it in hurt more than having her pull it out. And you're proceeding. Because you've discovered some gifts within you. Excellent.

There are some of you who have a dream, getting less cloudy every week, of some incredible vision within you. A vision which, if unleashed unto the world, would impact others greatly. People around you tell you about the gifts you have to make the vision a reality. But you can't hear them. Yet. You will. It takes time.Not days or months. But years. Even decades.

Right now, not knowing of your gifts, you are uncertain how to proceed. Perhaps you think you need more resources. More money. More skills. More time. More of whatever you don't have right now to get started right now.

And there are some of you who know there's something in there. But like that storage unit in upstate New York you keep paying on monthly year after year, you don't have a clue what's in there anymore.

Those of you with unopened gifts and those of you paying for monthly storage, I want to talk to you.

Some of you walked through this door of this speaking club called a nervous, sweating, quivering excuse for a speaker. And look at you now: you don't quiver anymore. But you did walk through that door. And have become accomplished non-quivering speakers with that simple step. Walking through that door.

You've heard the quote from Goethe a zillion times, so allow me to butcher it badly to make it fresh for you: "Boldness has genius in it. Begin it now."

Whatever you can do to begin, begin it now. I've heard every excuse in the book because, being a good listener, I listen to myself while I make them up.

And as you begin your baby steps, and as you fall flat on your face and get up smarting from the incredibly sharp pain to try again, something mysterious happens. You begin to hear the voices you couldn't before. You begin to see your gifts and use them. And that slight shimmering on the distant horizon gets clearer. And closer.

It was always within you to be able to walk. And to run. And to soar.

All of life is just a decision of whether to sit, or to get up and walk through that door. It's the decision that's hard. The doing part is easy.

Take your time to make the right decision. Not the comfortable one. Take years. Because once you decide you are fully behind your dream, you will get there.

But don't be stupid: The journey of a thousand miles does NOT begin with a single step. It begins with a call to my friend, Sal Dossani, who runs Joinus Travel here in the City.

Selfishness:

Now, It's time to begin thinking selfishly.

And if that doesn't sit right with you, if that violates who you are, tough. I especially want to address the women in this audience about thinking more selfishly, about acting more selfishly, about getting what you want and what you so richly deserve. But this applies if you are a woman, a man, both, or neither. I've become quite confused since I moved to San Francisco.

Who the hell am I, a man, to address you women specifically? No… I'm not a woman; I am a man. At least, that was the reaction from some women I know. I brought their testimonials. But I was raised by a tough woman, a woman who grew up as the family black sheep in that conflict called the Korean war, with bullets and bombs to serve as her 1812 Overture. A woman who ran my family. And a very successful business serving some very wealthy clients. So I've seen the power of an empowered woman. Or a selfish woman who knows what she wants. And goes after it.

We know Toastmasters is a great place to practice speaking. It can also turn into a comfort zone.

There's a point when some say, Enough. For most, that's when the Competent Toastmaster certificate arrives in the mail. For others, it's after a gruel 6-month stint as a club president. But not you, since you're advanced speakers.

There's a point at which you got to get out of the sandbox, you got to stop building 4-story sandcastles without having to try, while the other kids continue to give you glowing written and verbal evaluations that no longer have any meaning.

Distinguished Toastmaster is a fine accomplishment. And there is the Accredited Speakers Program to pursue.

But if you aren't putting those very rare skills to use in some way that gives YOUR life meaning, that brings YOU hope that we can have a better world, that helps YOU say at the end of that very long day that is your life, I have done things on Earth, I've affected the outcome… then why do it?

If you're a Distinguished Toastmaster and going for your second - or third - Competent Toastmaster certificate, I got to ask, Why? Why, with your skills? There are kids out there in this City who don't know. Don't have. And won't get. Lots of them are going to die.Not almost die. But die. From bullets. Knives. Overdoses. And illegal abortions. Won't have a chance to find meaning in their lives. Won't have a chance to dream of a better world. Because people squeezed the soul out of their hearts. Because nobody touched them. You can go out there. And touch a kid's heart, change a kid's life, with your skills, your words, and your heart.

Screw the 2nd CTM. Be selfish.

I mentioned women at the beginning. This is for you. Start doing for yourself that which you would have done unto you. Stop doing for them, pouring out your heart until it no longer has a soul, in the faint and uncertain hopes that you'll get a thank you in return flatter than day old soda. Screw them. Don't wait for their thanks. Don't wait.

Screw them. Be selfish.

It does mean standing up for yourself, and feeling the fire from the Dragon's Breath.

If that means work, stand up and start looking for something better like my friend Rose in Toronto after 6 months of my urging.

Work for yourself? Increase your fees by at least 50% so that only the people WITH the money will hire you.

If that means relationships, stand up for your rights. Get your partner to share more and do more. Teach them leadership. So you both get more from your relationship. Expect more. Be selfish.

Whatever it is, remember, YOU always come first. Be selfish. Don't ever give away your power. Ever. If you usually say "yes" to requests, practice saying no for the hell of it. It gives you freedom and power. It teaches other responsibility. And it's fun to tick off people and see them try their games of manipulation by keeping your power.

Conclusion:

I would like to end my retirement speech with a quote from one of my favorite movies, Braveheart. William Wallace, leading a Scottish uprising against the British, says, "Everyone dies. But not every one lives."

But I won't end it with that quote. That was a movie. A Hollywood movie on top of it.

But William Wallace had a vision formulated in youth, of freedom for the Scots. He began his first step with no resources, and mysterious things happened in his favor, as thousands of others joined him. Yes, he gave of himself and ultimately his life before his dream was realized. But he did it selfishly for himself. And he was driven with passion, which revealed his gifts.

Be the dreamer of dreams. Dream big dreams. And one day you will awaken as someone new. A huge, scary, black moth. In a strange new world.